Where to go from here

You know, sometimes you go on a vacation and come back feeling all relaxed and full of fresh energy. Then there are those vacations where you come back and realize that you need a break from your vacation! I think the latter describes where I am right now.

Chris and I have frequented Orlando theme parks since we got married, but this is the first time we've ever gone as a family of four. Neither of us anticipated this trip draining us of all energy, but that's essentially what happened. Spending 14-15 hours per day (for 6 straight days) picking up, chasing after, and soothing a tired 3-year old and 1-year old is not exactly sittin' on the dock of the bay watching the clouds roll away. It was taxing, and even though we enjoyed being with the kids and each other for an entire week, Chris and I are really beat.

Despite our minds and bodies being completely fried, life does go on. As I type this, Chris is putting the finishing touches on an 10-page appellate brief that needs to be turned in today. No, relief will not be in sight once he finishes this because within the next few weeks his oral argument project will be due. Also, things at my job are about to shift from neutral to high-gear. I am right in the middle of some pretty serious projects, and I have a mammoth one to get involved with sometime within the next few weeks. Something pretty huge is in the works with CNN.com, and I'm due to jump on board any day now.

Speaking of work, I feel that I'm at an impasse right now. You see, I decided last Fall that since Chris was going to be a full time law student, I would continue to work at CNN up until he finishes school. Once he graduates and gets a job, the plan is for me to discontinue working immediately and focus on the family entirely. With that being said, I forthwith stopped stressing about anything at my job. "I'm only here for another 3 years", I would say to myself constantly. No more concerns about being the "shining star" and hoping to be promoted as a reward. I decided to bide my time, and do my job as required with no extras.

Lately, I have realized that there are flaws in this thinking. First of all, what if Chris decides somewhere along the way that he hates law school and doesn't want to be an attorney? And secondly, people with my personality can't afford to take a mediocre, blasé attitude about ANYTHING. I am an "all-or-nothing" kind of woman. I'm either giving you my everything, or you're getting zilch. If you know me well, and think for a moment about different areas of my life, you will know that I speak the truth.

So...where do I go from here? Well, Chris is about 7 weeks away from being done with his first year of law school. If I spend the next 2 years at my job giving the most that my potential has to offer, that can only be good for myself, my family, and the company that pays this wonderful salary that allows us to live comfortably on one income. You know what? I think I'm ready for that. I said "I think". :-) We'll see.