Hocus, Pocus, REFOCUS!

Time to shift gears a bit. I think then readers of my blog deserve a change of topic.



I have great news: I'm starting school in May! Yes, after years of trying unsuccessfully (not consecutively), I am finally going to complete my undergraduate degree. Some people are on the 5 - 6 year degree plan;apparently I was unknowingly on the 19 year plan. I'll be 38 years old by the time I finish. Which means I'll be 41 by the time I become an....well, I'll see how I do picking back up as a 35 year-old undergraduate student before I even begin discussing the next path I plan to go down afterward.

All of the classes will be available online. I'll be finished by December 2012, maybe earlier. It'll be a liberal arts degree and the classes require a ton of reading and writing. Oh joy, three of my least favorite things: reading assigned material, making a case about it on paper, and simply being a student in the first place. Yuck. But God knows I'm not complaining...it's my choice to do this. The end-result is what matters. If I want all 3 of my kids in private school, nice family vacations, and a healthy retirement in 30 years, I've got to get MOVING!!

I'd appreciate your prayers. This has been a long time coming, and I'm obviously not good at being a student, or anything that doesn't yield immediate results. I'll keep you posted on how things go. Transcripts turned in to University: check. Next up, fill out application, complete financial-aid paperwork, and develop personal statement essay.

Great end to the week!

I have SUCH good news to share. Remember in my previous post when I said that I may have good news to share on Friday? Well, I was so excited and busy celebrating what ended up being great news that I'm just now finding time to post about it!

My hubby passed the Georgia Bar Exam. He is OFFICIALLY an attorney now. All of his hard work and our sacrifice as a family officially means something now. It is a wonderful feeling that's hard to describe. It's more of a relief than anything to be honest. My husband is both humble and a perfectionist. He ALWAYS gives nothing but 100% in everything he does. Let me tell you about this man for a second: When I met him he was a 24 year old college freshman who had just spent his first 7 years as an adult in the Air Force. He attended Hampton University and got an undergrad degree in Pre-Med Biology. When I met him and we fell in love, he decided that he didn't want to spend the first 6 years of our marriage broke, so he decided to forgo the medical career. He wasn't happy with the direction his career was going in after about a year of our marriage, and decided to obtain a degree in a more lucrative field. He got his MBA in Finance the year after our first son was born, while working full time. He loved being a Financial Analyst, but he always wanted to be an attorney. In 2005 after our second child was born, he decided to take the LSAT for the heck of it. He did well and got into GA State University Law School. Attending GA State was the best decision he could have made ...their students pass the bar exam at a higher rate than all of the other Georgia schools (including Emory and UGA, which are actually ranked higher at the time - that will change in due time).

So this brings us to where we are now. I am SO blessed to have a man whose number one priority in life is to leave a legacy and a lifetime of wealth to his family. That's all he's ever wanted, and his pursuit of what to some may seem like impossible goals is proof of this. I have always felt like the most fortunate woman on earth to be married to him. He always remarks that he knows I've got his back because I came from an upper middle class family and yet, married a man that was driving a tow truck when I met him. From tow truck driver to attorney...dream big, people. For those of us that dawdle and can't decide who we want to be, just aim high for something and never give up!! Thank you God for keeping our family immersed in your favor and grace!!!

Stuck inside...again

Well, I guess I'm finally living the more realistic life of a parent. The kids are still battling these fevers. My son seems to mostly be over his, but my daughter woke up blazing hot this morning. The kids slept in the bed with my hubby, and I slept on the sofa because I'm too finicky to deal with two congested children, and a boxer within feet of me all at the same time while I'm trying to get some sleep.

Back when Chris and I had our son, my parents were SO available all of the time. My mom even spent a full two weeks at our house after we brought him home from the hospital. (As a side note, I suggest that new parents get the full experience for about a week by themselves before calling in the grandparents; you'll be able to appreciate them a lot more if you actually get to see how tiring it can be to care for a new infant - otherwise you'll probably constantly tread the line of "Hey, I'M the mother of this child so stop telling me what to do!")

But I digress. If you read this blog regularly you know that I lost my grandmother a month ago. She first got sick back on October 25, and my mom began caring for her 24/7 while she was hospitalized, transferred to a nursing home, etc... Before this, my parents have always been available to keep our kids (and my sister's kids) at a moment's notice. About once a month (sometimes twice) my hubby and I would get to have some time alone. I often found myself wondering how realistic this was. Many times I would cringe at having to call my mom and ask her if she would keep our kids overnight...again...after just keeping them two weeks ago, and keeping my sister's kids the previous week. You see, I'm of the belief that you have to be VERY careful what you ask of someone, and that you should never ask of someone else what you are not willing to do yourself. As it relates to my parents keeping our kids, there are a couple of reasons why I have always thought we should pull back on bugging them every other week or so:

1) Yes, I understand that grandparents LOVE spending time with their grandkids. It's really easy if you think of it that way. But ask yourself this question, When you become 50 years old, are you going to want to have toddlers at your house for the entire weekend for 3 weekends out of a month? Yes, that was a rhetorical question. If you are one of those few people that would answer, "Yes, I would LOVE that!", then you're in the clear. :-) However, if you are the person that's always trying to find someone to watch your kids on the weekends, then you are the type of person that wants to have your own time a lot...that doesn't change just because you turn 50 and have grandkids, people.

When my sister and I were little, we NEVER had babysitters. Even though my grandmother lived in my parents' house, my mom and dad NEVER left us overnight. They really enjoyed spending time with us. They would find things for us to do on the weekends together as a family. So, of course, as grandparents in their fifties, they haven't changed. They LOVE having the grandkids around on the weekends. That's the kind of people that they are. But we are all different. If you find someone to keep your kids overnight once or twice each month while you (and maybe your spouse) go off and do your own thing, it goes without saying that you aren't the kind of person that will want to spend 2 or 3 weekends out of the month watching your kids' kids. Yep, that's right, if you have more than one child, that's at least one grandchild per week. Something to think about huh?

2) Another reality that I am finally opening myself up to. We live in Atlanta, and it has finally become almost completely saturated. I know so many people who are entering fields that don't leave very many options in a small, but heavily populated city such as this. Many of these people are having to pack up their families and leave Atlanta. I have always been adversely opposed to this option. My husband has known since we got engaged not to even go where with me about leaving Atlanta. I was raised this way...you don't ever leave your family. Heck, living 30 minutes away from my parents was enough of a shock and jolt, so I couldn't imagine what would happen if God forbid we moved to another state! Not to mention the fact that we wouldn't have anyone to watch our kids overnight anymore. In fact, at this point, that is the only thing stopping me. I don't leave my kids with ANYONE except for my mom and dad. NO ONE. So if we moved away, my hubby and I would never have any alone time and that was a thought that I couldn't bear! Until now.

As I mentioned earlier in this post, it's been a little over 3 months since my hubby and I have had any time at all together to ourselves. We haven't even gone out to dinner together or anything. So, now, I know that we can bear this kind of reality if we have to. We have been forced to. We are tired all of the time, but we have just become more creative about things to do with the kids on the weekends. While the kids nap, we nap. We have become smarter with our free time. When my husband graduates from law school, if the best offer he receives (and by best I mean salary + hours + responsibility) is in Florida, or North Carolina, or somewhere else, we will have to at the very least consider it. For the first time in my life, this is an option for us, and makes things less stressful for my husband and his pending job search.

I know that this is an extremely long post, but I've been thinking about this for a while. These are the types of things that I don't have anyone to talk to about, so I just spill it all here. :-)

Unexpected News

Today started off intense and never let up.

I've been going on and on about the relaunch of cnn.com, and the new layout and functionality is finally in place! The new site is up so please, go check it out. I've been fretting a little over it, but the CNN Relaunch turned out to be the least of my worries.

I found out last night that the son of a former co-worker of mine who was on the road to recovery from leukemia, has had a relapse. After 3 years of vast improvement, a test happens to come back showing signs that things are not good for him right now. My heart broke when I found out about this. Things would only get worse as the day went on.

My hubby was home all day with the kids while I was at work. He called me earlier this evening to tell me that he found out that his aunt that lives in Mobile passed away recently. As in a month ago. It's a tough blow to find out that someone you love and cherish has passed away. But to find out a month later? Everyone else has already had a chance to grieve together and help one another cope with the loss. Not only that, but this is a painful reminder of how we have lost touch with the family in Alabama. We used to be so close to them. Now, we don't talk at all, clearly.

Being busy and sacrificing money and time with family for a couple of years with the reward of future financial gain will be a good thing. But some of those sacrifices just don't seem worth it.

I really need some rest. I'm completely wiped out from today. Tomorrow is an even earlier day at work for me, if you can believe that. Doing it all over again, so I'm off to bed now. Hopefully my heart won't ache as much in the morning. Doubtful.

Where to go from here

You know, sometimes you go on a vacation and come back feeling all relaxed and full of fresh energy. Then there are those vacations where you come back and realize that you need a break from your vacation! I think the latter describes where I am right now.

Chris and I have frequented Orlando theme parks since we got married, but this is the first time we've ever gone as a family of four. Neither of us anticipated this trip draining us of all energy, but that's essentially what happened. Spending 14-15 hours per day (for 6 straight days) picking up, chasing after, and soothing a tired 3-year old and 1-year old is not exactly sittin' on the dock of the bay watching the clouds roll away. It was taxing, and even though we enjoyed being with the kids and each other for an entire week, Chris and I are really beat.

Despite our minds and bodies being completely fried, life does go on. As I type this, Chris is putting the finishing touches on an 10-page appellate brief that needs to be turned in today. No, relief will not be in sight once he finishes this because within the next few weeks his oral argument project will be due. Also, things at my job are about to shift from neutral to high-gear. I am right in the middle of some pretty serious projects, and I have a mammoth one to get involved with sometime within the next few weeks. Something pretty huge is in the works with CNN.com, and I'm due to jump on board any day now.

Speaking of work, I feel that I'm at an impasse right now. You see, I decided last Fall that since Chris was going to be a full time law student, I would continue to work at CNN up until he finishes school. Once he graduates and gets a job, the plan is for me to discontinue working immediately and focus on the family entirely. With that being said, I forthwith stopped stressing about anything at my job. "I'm only here for another 3 years", I would say to myself constantly. No more concerns about being the "shining star" and hoping to be promoted as a reward. I decided to bide my time, and do my job as required with no extras.

Lately, I have realized that there are flaws in this thinking. First of all, what if Chris decides somewhere along the way that he hates law school and doesn't want to be an attorney? And secondly, people with my personality can't afford to take a mediocre, blasé attitude about ANYTHING. I am an "all-or-nothing" kind of woman. I'm either giving you my everything, or you're getting zilch. If you know me well, and think for a moment about different areas of my life, you will know that I speak the truth.

So...where do I go from here? Well, Chris is about 7 weeks away from being done with his first year of law school. If I spend the next 2 years at my job giving the most that my potential has to offer, that can only be good for myself, my family, and the company that pays this wonderful salary that allows us to live comfortably on one income. You know what? I think I'm ready for that. I said "I think". :-) We'll see.