Great end to the week!

I have SUCH good news to share. Remember in my previous post when I said that I may have good news to share on Friday? Well, I was so excited and busy celebrating what ended up being great news that I'm just now finding time to post about it!

My hubby passed the Georgia Bar Exam. He is OFFICIALLY an attorney now. All of his hard work and our sacrifice as a family officially means something now. It is a wonderful feeling that's hard to describe. It's more of a relief than anything to be honest. My husband is both humble and a perfectionist. He ALWAYS gives nothing but 100% in everything he does. Let me tell you about this man for a second: When I met him he was a 24 year old college freshman who had just spent his first 7 years as an adult in the Air Force. He attended Hampton University and got an undergrad degree in Pre-Med Biology. When I met him and we fell in love, he decided that he didn't want to spend the first 6 years of our marriage broke, so he decided to forgo the medical career. He wasn't happy with the direction his career was going in after about a year of our marriage, and decided to obtain a degree in a more lucrative field. He got his MBA in Finance the year after our first son was born, while working full time. He loved being a Financial Analyst, but he always wanted to be an attorney. In 2005 after our second child was born, he decided to take the LSAT for the heck of it. He did well and got into GA State University Law School. Attending GA State was the best decision he could have made ...their students pass the bar exam at a higher rate than all of the other Georgia schools (including Emory and UGA, which are actually ranked higher at the time - that will change in due time).

So this brings us to where we are now. I am SO blessed to have a man whose number one priority in life is to leave a legacy and a lifetime of wealth to his family. That's all he's ever wanted, and his pursuit of what to some may seem like impossible goals is proof of this. I have always felt like the most fortunate woman on earth to be married to him. He always remarks that he knows I've got his back because I came from an upper middle class family and yet, married a man that was driving a tow truck when I met him. From tow truck driver to attorney...dream big, people. For those of us that dawdle and can't decide who we want to be, just aim high for something and never give up!! Thank you God for keeping our family immersed in your favor and grace!!!

An Exercise in Brevity

I'm challenging myself to give an update from the past several months, but without spending the next hour typing about it. I have about 15 minutes, before I pass out due to exhaustion so here goes:

1) My newborn is now a 12-week old. He will be officially 3 months old on Friday. That time FLEW by! He's holding his head up now, and sleeping through the night, as of last night. Life is good! He spits his milk back up a lot more than his brother and sister did. I'm keeping an eye on that because it makes me a little nervous; but in my heart of hearts I believe that everything is completely fine.

2) My 5 year old and 4 year old are such a joy, even at these hyperactive ages. I love them so much. They are both so brilliant in different ways. I see a little bit of young Tami in the both of them. Good and bad qualities. Math comes easy to one of them, the other one is completely vain, one of them doesn't care what anyone thinks of him, while the other can be knocked down with a feather if you don't give her praise. It's simply amazing. And they're such sickeningly beautiful kids inside and out. God TRULY blessed me in a way that I can't ever measure.

3) Haven't been able to find work, so I'm enjoying being a stay-at-home mom. I go on the kids field trips with them, I make dinner (and dessert) every night, I'm involved at their school more and have established a small network of associates in the other moms, I go on play dates with other stay at home moms, and most importantly, my 3 children get ALL of me, not just the ragged, worn out parts leftover from a grueling day at a thankless job. Many would argue that being a mom is the most thankless job ever, and I wouldn't debate them. But I don't think you can beat greeting your kids at 3pm, being home by 3:15pm and having an entire time with those innocent angels FREE from stress. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

4) Hope to have great news to share this upcoming Friday. If the news isn't good, I won't say anything...if it's great, you'll know about it; the whole world will, if you leave it to me! :-)

5) Been working out INTENSELY the last two weeks. I found a wonderful trainer online, and he set up my daily meals and my daily workout plan. Haven't stuck to the diet as well as I should have, though. But I've lost a good 8 -10 lbs and have lost another pants size (fitting back in my 8's; my goal is to get back into my winter pants which are a size 4 -how could I ever have been that skinny????) I'm going to be a fine mofo by Christmas or bust!!



6) Still have an unhealthy obsession for Simon Baker. Pretty pointless to deny it; even my hubby is hip to it. He's not ecstatic about it, but he's known me for the better part of 14 years now...he knows that I'm ALWAYS going to have some type of fascination/obsession over some type of celebrity. Fame intrigues me; always has for some reason.

7) Cultivating, pruning and watering my friendship garden. There were a lot of weeds, that were causing me a lot of grief, and making it impossible for me to enjoy the beauty of the real friendships that were waiting to blossom. I have some really good friends that really love me, and it's high time I start expressing how much I love them as well. I'm getting better at this.

8) 35 in about two weeks. Having a yummy brunch at a wonderful location in Dunwoody the week after my birthday; waiting a week after my actual birthday so that my sis will be back in town and can be there. I can't wait to spend the morning/afternoon having brunch with people I love!!

9) Hubby is enjoying his new job. In-house counsel for an insurance company in metro Atlanta. He brings home the bacon and I fry it up in a pan...and always make him feel like he's the MAN!! Okay, you get the gist...:-)

Not bad for someone who runs their mouth like an out of control faucet. I can update more often if I can keep it simple like this. Until next time!!

The moldable clay that is my life

I'm at one of those points in my life right now where anything that I do over the next few days, weeks, months, will shape my life in one of a million ways. Things can turn out anyway that I choose! How often do we get a chance to say that after age 25, and after being married with 3 kids? Well I'm FINALLY realizing that I need to look at the state of my life as a blessed opportunity to go on an adventure and even discover more about myself and this world than I even knew existed! Trust me, it's a lot easier to saunter down the hallway of despair that leads to the never ending road of depression, that takes you...well, I don't even want to know where that takes you. I'd rather sip on the lemonade made from all of these lemons I have received this year. All I had to do was add a little sugary perspective to make it taste sweet! More on that in a minute.

First, I want to update on the job search. Being laid off while pregnant REALLY SUCKS more than you even realize at first. I mean everyone has their opinions about "what you should do". I think most people mean well, but you can tell who HAS and who HASN'T been in this situation before. I've gotten "Just pull from your savings for a while!" and "you can just get unemployment so you should be fine." -or- "Just get that COBRA insurance." But my FAVORITE has been "Well, you will save a lot of daycare expense by being home with your baby anyway." Really? Thanks for summing up and solving my problems for me in 3.4 seconds, I appreciate it a great deal.

(Side note: did you know that you're not eligible to collect unemployment while you're unable to work? So if you're in the hospital for 4 or 5 days including full labor and delivery, and then home with your baby for another few weeks and unable to interview for jobs, you're NOT eligible to collect unemployment...AGAIN, being laid off while pregnant SUCKS)

I have learned that we all are SUCH experts on a subject BEFORE we've actually had to go through it ourselves. We think we can be better managers than our boss. We think we can raise better children than those around us. We think we always have the answer to someone's problem, even when they haven't asked our opinion at all. Maybe if we focused more on being encouraging and reminding people that they have a friend, we'd actually not just be using hot air and actually make a difference to someone who could really use the reminder that everything is going to be okay.



But to sum up the job situation, I've been doing the typical dance with recruiters over the past few months. They tell me that I'm a perfect fit for a job. I get excited and wait on them to call me back and give me the date and time of my interview with the company. I never hear back from them. And bow; curtain drops. The steps of the dance are ALWAYS the same...there's just different attire worn and the stage settings change. This has got to be in the top 5 most frustrating things for a person to go through, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

There's this one job that stood out in the pack, though. I got called about it from a recruiter named Kevin back while I was still pregnant . I had about 64 recruiters call me about this one job, because the details in my resume showed that I was THE perfect candidate for this job!! This was the first time that I actually believed that this was MY job. Even though the location is not particularly ideal based on where I live, the job is located in my FAVORITE part of metro Atlanta to work! The pay is AWESOME. And the job function is almost an exact match to what I have been doing over the past 4 years. The one recruiter that I allowed to submit me for the job told me to let him know once I had the baby, and we'd see if the position was still available. I called him 3 DAYS after having my son only to find out that the position was filled. THAT one hurt, plain and simple. I've had recruiters calling me since then and it's just been really much more of the same.



So on Friday I got a call from Kevin again. He said that a position had opened up at the SAME job that I wanted so badly! I literally began jumping around the room. There was one catch...I would have to take an online Java test. I knew there had to be a catch. You see, for people like me, all we need to do is get into the interview. It's a done deal at that point. When you start picking my brain and quizzing me and stuff, well,...let's just say that this is NOT my forte. So I took the test and scored 48% higher than everyone else that took it. Not good. Even though the results earned me a Java certification from Brainbench and said "Congratulations you passed!". I don't think the hiring manager is looking for passing scores. I think he wants to feel confident that the person they're hiring has enough info about Java to work all by themselves on projects. A score such as this doesn't reflect that. I can program in Java with my eyes closed. Can I take a test on the theory of Java fundamentals? Yes, but not well enough to get a high score!

So for now, I'm not going to fret. I'm going to spend a couple of hours refreshing my memory on some Java tips and tricks and take the test 2 more times this afternoon. I'll take it once more first thing tomorrow morning and whichever is the best of my 4 scores, that's what I'll send. Then I'll sit back and enjoy my life and not worry about whether I ever hear back from this recruiter or not. Life's too short to sit around waiting for something that may not happen. Worse case: I don't get a job and it's closing in on Christmas. Oh well, I'll be a stay at home mom and enjoy my precious son and have more time to keep this house looking amazing (which is does) and continue cooking wonderful dinners for the kids. Best case: I get the job and become gainfully employed with a GREAT company, get that gym membership I've been waiting on, and finally have money to put in savings and invest, and also to buy nice handbags, makeup, perfume, and keep my bi-weekly mani/pedi appts. Oh and most importantly, my bi-weekly salon appts will keep my hair looking pretty. :-) We'll see what life has in store! Either way, I feel blessed, and THAT'S the truth!

The New Tami

Since lots of changes are happening in my life all at once, this hasn't left much time for me to sit around and wait to be hit with epiphanies about why this is all occurring. I've had to roll with the punches with a smile on my face. Even though I've been quite melancholy on the inside for some time now, this isn't something I'm comfortable showing or expressing. For example, I'm not that person whose Facebook status goes from "I'm So Excited!!" one day to "This is such a terrible day. :-( " the very next; don't want people thinking I'm suffering from manic disorder. (Note: I tend to guess that people who do behave this way are just screaming for either attention or a prescription for antidepressants, or just misplaced the ones they already have, or something)

But back to "The New Tami". Here are just a few of the changes I'm currently going through:

1) I'm 2 weeks away from the end of my pregnancy. 'nuff said

2) Since being laid-off from my job back in April, I have become a Stay At Home Mom. I've learned a lot during this experience, mostly that I'm not cut out for it.

3) My hubby is rarely around due to EXTREME prep for the Bar Exam. Throughout our entire marriage, we are ALWAYS together, so this in itself has been extremely difficult.

4) I have reconnected with a lot of people that I haven't had a chance to interact with in years. This is because my normal everyday routine has completely changed and the circle of individuals that I interact with every single day is different now. First off, my sister and I have been having a BLAST! She's a teacher and has the entire summer off and just LOVES it! She spends Sunday evenings planning a fun-filled week for her and her kids. And she bakes things from scratch. And takes pictures and puts them in frames to hang around the house. Get this: Her hubby makes a TON of money, so they can more than afford daycare or camp for the summer. But she just wants her kids home with her all day every day! She's one of a kind! Also, I've had a chance to connect more closely to my church friends. That has definitely made a difference!!

5) I chopped off my crown and glory a week ago. All of that thick, beautiful hair that was cascading down my back is now a close-cropped, chic, sexy 'do! I can't keep my hubby off of me! Not that I could before either, though. ;-) I already sense people reacting to me differently. I don't have young guys barely out of their teens trying to approach me anymore. Bank tellers, waitstaff, people in general seem to take me more seriously without my having to be an a$$hole. In other words, by default I feel that people respect me more. I look my age now (much closer to it, at least) and I can't rely on my beautiful locks to turn heads and get people to notice me anymore. It's what's on the inside that will have to dominate now, so I've definitely got some work to do. :-)

More later...

Disney Tips for Parents: Where to Visit

I've been going to Orlando, FL every few years since I was 9 years old. We've seen a lot in Orlando over the past 25 years and I feel that I have enough well-rounded insight to aid someone who's never been to Disney World on how to get the most out of their trip to the happiest place on earth!



Speaking of being 9 years old, that is really a great age for most children to really enjoy all that Orlando, FL has to offer. You're old enough to appreciate good food and good entertainment, but still young enough to squeal in genuine delight when spotting characters in the various theme parks. My sister was 6 years old, and that my friends is the PERFECT age. Too old for midday naps, but still a child in every way. So, my sister and I were 6 and 9, respectively, when we took our first jaunt to Orlando. Over the years I've made mental notes about things I would do differently with each trip, and as an adult, I feel like I've got hands-on experience on how to keep the family happy on a trip to Orlando; especially a family with at least one toddler on the trip; So let's get started!

Tip 1: Take the time of year into consideration Disney World is a truly magical place. But even Disney World gets OLD in 90 degree weather. Especially with the park completely filled to capacity and hour-long minimum wait times for each attraction.

Suggestion #1: If at all possible, avoid Disney World after Memorial Day and before Labor Day if you have children younger than 5 years old. Visit Universal Orlando or Sea World which are never as ridiculously crowded as Disney World on a summer day. If not possible (as is the case for most people, obviously) here are a few more suggestions.



Suggestion #2: Be at the Disney Main Gate 30 minutes before it opens. Try to be within the first couple hundred people to enter the park, if possible. This is very possible if you have small toddlers who wake up at 7am anyway! NOTE: Once you have entered the park, go all the way to the back of the park as far as you can get. Human studies show that most people do one of two things: they either stop at the first thing they see once they enter the gate, or they immediately run to their favorite attractions and jump on those. If you can get further into the park and work your way forward, believe it or not, you'll actually be better off than if you follow the crowd.

Suggestion #3: Go the Disney "Fast Pass" route. Disney offers what are called Fast Passes at all of their most popular attractions. And trust me, if your child is older than 3, they will be ALL about these particular rides/shows. So after heeding Suggestion #2, go ahead and get your Fast Pass for the ride your toddler seems the most excited about. The pass should display a time to come back that is one to two hours later than the current time. Spend that 45 min searching for characters in the park, grabbing a snack, or visiting a much less popular attraction to kill the time. If the kids are younger than 5, I promise they should be okay with this. Be sure to keep track of the time, so that you don't venture off too far from the area of your Fast Pass attraction. Also, be sure to confirm that the attraction you're visiting to kill the time won't spill over into your time to visit the Fast Pass attraction. Once your time listed on your Fast Pass arrives, keep in mind that you may still have a 30 min wait if it's noon or afterward. Once you leave the Fast Pass attraction, repeat this whole process for the rest of the day. (i.e. find another Fast Pass ride that the kids will love, get your passes, and do something else in the meantime) Suggestion #4 is pretty important so I will list it as another Tip.



Tip 2: Use one of Tami's Disney World calendar methods As you may know, Disney World Orlando has 4 theme parks. Magic Kingdom, Epcot Center, Disney Studios (formerly known as MGM Studios), and Animal Kingdom. There are two tricks of the trade frequent Disney travelers like myself use when determining which park to visit on which day.

Method 1: The FBT (Florida Bureau of Travel) method Most people in the US work Mon - Fri, and don't take vacations in the middle of the week. So Saturday is the incoming TRAVEL DAY for the bulk of people visiting Orlando. Trust me, there are still a TON of people already in FL visiting the parks on Saturday, but it doesn't come close to the sheer number that will be ready to visit the parks by Sunday! Also take into consideration the fact that most people visit the Disney parks each day in this order: 1)Magic Kingdom 2)Epcot 3)Disney Studios 4)Animal Kingdom.

So with this knowledge, if you are arriving to Orlando sometime Saturday late afternoon, early evening like most people, you don't want to waste money on visiting a park with only a few hours to play. Once you wake up bright and early Sunday morning, eat a very light breakfast (you don't want to set yourself up for feeling extremely tired before noon even hits, so I suggest sticking with continental breakfast), and get to that Main Gate. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT visit Magic Kingdom on Sunday. EVERYONE does this, so dare to be different. Epcot is a great park to visit, in my opinion. Lots of cool rides that the little ones can ride. Most popular is Spaceship Earth. It's the landmark of Epcot, and the kiddies will most likely want to ride it, just because it looks so cool from the outside! But again, it's the first ride you hit, so you may consider implementing my previous suggestion from Tip 1 which involves making your way deep into the park and working your way back to the front. This may work differently at Epcot, however, because it's twice the size of Magic Kingdom, not to mention that Epcot is made up of two distinct parks in itself so the "go further into the park" rule can be implemented separately in either one of them. On Monday, visit Disney Studios. Tuesday, Animal Kingdom. This would put you back at Magic Kingdom by Wednesday.

Method 2: The Extra Magic Hour method When you choose to stay at a Disney resort, you receive an EMH (extra magic hour) before the Theme Park opens and after it closes to the general public. Only one of the 4 parks has an EMH each day. So if
Monday happens to be Magic Kingdom's day to have EMH, none of the other parks will have it on that same day. Here's the trick: avoid the park that has the EMH on that day, because it will be extremely crowded due to being visited by almost all of the guests staying on the Disney resort. So if Magic Kingdom has the EMH, skip Magic Kingdom that day. Any of the others will be less crowded. Here's some more information about the EMH.



Method 3: Pad your trip to Disney with other fun things Traveling with toddlers to Disney World for the first time is going to wear you out. Especially if you have a small toddler. The frequent trips to the potty, the need for a nap (lest they become a public embarrassment to you), the heat, etc..., all of these things make for very grumpy parents during the summer at Disney World. My suggestion to you is to leave at least 1 day between each visit to the Disney parks to do something other than Disney. Please trust me, you will love me forever if you try this! Every other day, my family takes a "rest day". This involves either laying around the suite watching tv, hitting the pool, staying in the area doing some shopping at the Mall at Millenia, or just visiting another theme park all together. You could even drive 45 - 50 minutes south east and hit Cocoa Beach for a relaxing time there! Even those with the patience of Job will need a break from the over stimulation and excitement of Disney. Also, don't even think about utilizing the Disney Park Hopper if you've got toddlers. Total waste, because you'll most likely never get around to more than one park in one day; the kids (and you) will be restless by mid afternoon and need a nap so that just won't leave enough time to get your money's worth unless you plan on keeping them out really late.

I really hope that the tips come in handy. Please email me or leave comments with any feedback!

At A Glance...

Last Week At A Glance:

Last week was eye-opening in a few ways. It definitely had more meetings than I'm used to. Two of them in particular I personally consider awe-inspiring.

During one of them I was, again, exposed to the positive repercussions of simply being nice to people and making myself an available source of information to them. I did some "schmoozing" after the meeting was over, and have some more follow-up meetings this week. It never ceases to amaze me how far natural charm combined with a decent amount of hard work will go. I emphasize "natural" charm, because that's quite a different animal from that "fake, smile in your face, then go talk about you to anyone who will listen" crap that many people seem to engage in. No, one of my few strengths includes an ability to look into people's souls when I'm with them and communicate to them that I actually care about what they're discussing with me at the time. But if you cross me, you are screwed. That's not tough talk at all, just a sad reality. The good news is that everyone gets two chances with me, though, so it's not as bad as it sounds. :-) But I SERIOUSLY digress....

During the other meeting I'm referring to, I was exposed to some SERIOUS irony, karma, whatever you want to call it. We see it everyday, but a colleague and I now use this situation as our inside joke. Life is really something. Now that I am approaching 35 years of age (considered by many to be the halfway point of average life-expectancy), I am really coming into my own. I'm done trying to figure out who I want to be. I simply am who I am, and I'm learning to be content with who I've become.

I am a working mother. Those of you moms who stay home all day, great. But why do so many stay-at-home moms judge working moms? If you're content in your personal situation, stop concerning yourself with what other people are doing.

I am a Christian. I am proud to be a Christian. I don't wear my Christianity like a fashionable piece of jewelry that I take on or off depending on the situation. It IS the biggest part of who I am and I'm proud to exalt my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!! If you have a problem with who I am or any of the tenets of Christianity, I don't mind fielding/answering questions about why I believe in and trust God and His Word. But I will absolutely not engage in debates and arguments about who I am and why I believe what I believe. I don't go questioning people of other lifestyles who make certain decisions, and I expect the same respect in return. If I do not get it in return, I'm not shocked, but I will not be baited into heated discussions about something that is so precious and sweet to me.

I am a Conservative. This is something I've only come to realize about myself over the past 7 or 8 years. I'm what is commonly referred to as a "9/11 Conservative". This is not to be mistaken with a Republican, by the way. I don't align myself with any of the major political parties in this country. This choice to not politically align myself has much to do with the fact that my Christian walk is SO important to me and something I have to work at daily. I can't let an undying association with fallible humans and their political swayings mar my testimony of faith. And that's exactly what I believe happens to those Christians who do engage heavily in politics. Simply my opinion.

I'm very obsessive. This is either my greatest weakness or strength. It depends on the object of my obsession. When it's my relationship with God, hubby, kids, or something related to my career or personal growth/development, it's a major strength. When it's a hot actor or sports player, it's bad (I keep writing about this, but I really need to share my Tiger Woods story one day!!). We're not talking minor crushes, people. I always take stuff to the EXTREME on either side. I used to obsess over my husband while we were dating. It was borderline predatory; really surprised he didn't call the police at some point. Sadly, it changes with the wind, and you never know where I am at the moment, or where I'm headed with this. But this is who I am, and at this point in my life I finally understand that trying to be something else is so futile. All I can do is channel this obsessive nature into positive things that will leave a positive stamp on my family's livelihood and well-being.

In closing, I just want to say something to all of the 30+ year-olds who may be reading this. Most of you may have already figured this out, but for those that haven't, you ARE who you ARE now. Those of you actively trying to be someone else or change major characteristics you have, it just doesn't work. I promise I'm not being mean intentionally, but you really are not fooling anyone but yourselves. Not to mention that you really look silly to everyone who notices, if you care about stuff like that. It's impossible to truly like or truly know someone who tries to hard to go against the grain of who they are. If you're a total a$$hole who turns people off with your personality, I'm really sorry to hear that. But in my opinion the best thing you can do at this point is just own up to it, and try to choose a profession that gives you the most limited contact with people as possible. When you try to appear nice, you appear very strange. Especially because the real you is going to show up again at some point anyway, and will cause people to wonder who the heck "that other person" was. I'm speaking from personal experience. I have really enjoyed writing this post. It feels good to share things like this that have been on my mind for a really long time. :-)

Next Week At A Glance

I'm leaving work early on Tuesday to go to a doctor's visit.

I'll also have a MUCH needed visit to my hair stylist to get some cute layers cut and my hair pressed out. It's been way too long, and I'm just looking a hot mess right about now.

Let's see, what else...oh yeah, the hubby, kids and I are going on a trip to Alabama to visit the hubby's family. We haven't been down there in years, and it's really sad because we were so close to this part of the family before we had kids. At this point we have completely lost touch with everyone. Looking forward to reconnecting with as many people as possible. My hubby has 8 aunts and uncles on each side (yes, 16 total) and about a gazillion 1st cousins, so there are usually cookouts/fish-frys and the like to look forward to whenever we go down there. My hubby is the oldest granchild on his Dad's side so they always make an especially huge deal when we go down there. Something really special about the first Gran, I always hear. :-)

Ta Ta For Now, readers!!

From Bad To Worse

Let's face it...today was just one of those days. Not sure how exactly it turned into one of those days...it definitely started off harmless enough. I had the wisdom, or foresight, or something, to switch my Thursday afternoon appt w/ my gynecologist to this morning at the very last minute. Thank God I did so, because tomorrow is going to be insane! The appt went smoothly enough, but once I got back to work, I think a few little things just gradually sent me down the path to a really bad mood. Little things, that in isolation aren't a big deal, but all combined in the same day make for kind of a tough day.

It may seem a little strange, but days like today sometimes cause me to reflect upon a company I worked at in the past. I can still remember to this day how I felt when I went on the interview...it was the most "exciting-looking" place I had seen before! There were foozball tables, pool tables, television sets, and even a cool looking small library that we all had access to. The ceilings, walls and floors had the most eclectic, cool looking modern tech designs and colors!! We had free soft drinks (which was a big deal for me at the time!) and the workspace just looked extremely "new millenium" even though the turn of the century hadn't occured yet. Over the first few years there, things began to unravel a bit. We gained a new parent company and almost immediately lost access to the floor of the building which contained all of the fun, extra-curricular items that had been bragged about as selling points for working at the company during my interview. We moved to a plain-Jane, vanilla, workspace eventually that had no character in itself at all. Many of the really nice people that kept things fun and exciting in the beginning were let go (or sensibly quit) over time. I watched the huge dip in morale gradually occur, and wondered what I had walked into. By the time the dotcom bubble burst, we were all stuck at the company anyway (NO ONE was hiring and the economy was struggling at the time). So it became an "employers market", which meant that if you're an employer, you have "carte blanche" to some degree over your employees, because they're not going anywhere since no one's hiring. This is the time period where silly rules start being created and enforced. This is also the time period where morale is so low, that over time you're left with a bunch of miserable, cynical people who are all complaining about their jobs. Bad days on the job spill over into bad days at home, and the cycle just repeats itself over and over day after day, week after week, month after month.

So it is on days like today that I reflect on something told to me by a colleague from the company I just spoke of. She was much older than me, and had TONS more life experience. Whenever we would get some type of bad or unfortunate news about a "change" of some sort, she would always remind me to just be patient because In six months, there is guaranteed to be, yet, another change that would make this one not seem as upsetting anymore. Sometimes that would mean that things would get even worse, but it usually ended up meaning that our worries/attention would become focused in another area, so the initial point of worry or bitterness isn't even relevant anymore. After 12 years in corporate America, I can definitely say that my former colleague has been right....every time. I'll do my best to keep my chin up...if I can get through the rest of this week unscathed, it will be nothing short of God's grace that got me through it!!

Preparing for a new week

I've got a little on my mind right now. Not a whole lot, like normal, but just a couple of things. I got a pregnancy massage on Friday, and I feel almost completely STRESS-FREE!

For one, I'm seriously trying to determine how I can stay on a steady course in my life. There's got to be a way that someone with my compulsive, extreme live-in-the-moment, obsessive, procrastinating personality can live a content life on the right track. My number one fault is that I LOVE to talk more than just about anything else in this world. This becomes a problem because it effects the things that are extremely important (such as work!) So if someone comes into my workspace to talk to me, for example, I will talk for as long as they want to talk because I LOVE to talk so much. The only two times I fare well in these types of situations are 1) if the person coming over to talk isn't very talkative and knows how to end a conversation abruptly enough, or 2) if the person talks more than I do, and I get bored with them because I don't get a chance to talk. Outside of these two situations, it's a no-win for me as far as productivity goes. It's gotten worse recently since I've become pregnant and more hormonal. There have been days recently where I left work asking myself "What the heck did I accomplish today?" I will be praying about this in a matter of minutes.

The other thing weighing heavily on me has to do with my kids. They are both extremely healthy emotionally and physically, and I'm so grateful to God for this. Here's what's burdening my heart right now. Most of you who follow my blog regularly know that my son was diagnosed a while back with a developmental issue regarding his ability to verbally express himself. By the time he turned 3, it was pretty obvious that he was pretty far behind most children his age in this area. Since verbal communication is the strongest indicator of one's intelligence to most people, it put my son at a disadvantage in school. The school he was attending last year had two pretty weak teachers in terms of dealing with a child with my son's particular developmental issue. Looking back on it, if I had my son evaluated much earlier, I could have avoided all of the guess-work and confusion that his teachers were dealing with because I would have known the exact issue and could have communicated this to them. Heck, I didn't even know what the issue was before the official evaluation with the speech pathologist, but I always knew that my son was much more intelligent than other kids his age. He just couldn't speak as clearly and communicate as effectively as they could.

Fast forward two years...he's 5-years old now, and attends a different Christian school close to home. I had a parent-teacher conference before the Christmas holidays in which his teacher expressed concern over some of his behavior in class. This really threw me for a loop because I've seen SO much progress in my son, that I sometimes forget that by "normal" 5 year-old standards some of his behavior is still difficult to understand. I explained to his teacher about the diagnosis of "expressive language disorder" and she was so relieved to hear this, because she already knew that my son had above-average intelligence compared to the other kids and that he's such a lovable, sweet boy. So some of his behavior confused her even more because of this. Ever since I explained to her, she has been more than pleased with his progress and the way that he is interacting in class because she now knows how to interact with him and how to allow him to express himself, but still within the class/school guidelines. He's doing wonderful these days, and his teacher even wants to put my son on program for the annual awards program in May. I'm so pleased that this is the direction we're going in now.

Here's my problem. When I'm out with my son and daughter, people are SO drawn to my daughter. I understand that she is a very pretty child...both of my children are gorgeous. But she is a little girl, and beauty in a female just stands out more. That's just the way it is. Plus she's only 3, and three year-olds are still considered really cute for the most part no matter how they look. BUT it breaks my heart to see this scenario play out the same way almost every time. Why? Well, my son has really come out of his shell over the past 6 months. He walks up to total strangers now and says "Good Morning, how are you?" "What's your name?" etc...He is very interested in engaging people now, because he knows that people are finally understanding what he says more often. He gets the biggest smile on his face when someone properly acknowledges something he says, and I understand why that is. It must feel like a triumph even for his 5 year-old mind. So, as his mother and number one fan on this earth, it hurts my heart almost literally to watch his face after he attempts to speak to someone, and people's response is to oooh and ahhh over my daughter while he just stands there. I'll guess that most parents feel great when someone compliments their child, but my daughter's beauty is so obvious. It's something she'll most likely have her entire life...just like her mommy. (Haha!) But I don't want one of my children to be complimented at the others expense. It even leaves me in tears just typing this out right now. Don't know how much more of it I can take.

My hubby has explained to me that, yes, our daughter is gorgeous and that people always make a huge deal out of gorgeous little girls. He keeps trying to assure me that this is just the pattern for the rest of their lives. My son will probably always be the smart kid that keeps everyone in his circle laughing. Everyone that takes the time to get to know him will know that he is full of substance and great characteristics and love him forever. And I'm sure that he will be so proud of his gorgeous little sister, who will probably also always be smart, but not in the same way as him. I hope that they will always stay best friends and always appreciate and love the others characteristics. And I also hope that I as their mommy will eventually not have such an achy heart when I witness what I interpret as one of my children being ignored or rebuffed. Such is life, and I'm going to have to be tougher, not just for myself, but as an example for my children. They will have to endure more than anything that the people of my generation could ever imagine. The last thing they need is a weak, weepy, wimp of a mother who cries every time someone isn't overly nice to one of them. I know that this advice came from the Lord, because my heart wasn't in the condition to think this way on my own. So thankful and blessed to have such a loving, wise Savior always watching over me and my family.

God bless you and yours as we take on a new week!

Ash Wednesday: Season of Lent

Happy Lenten Season! I'll go ahead and catch you up on what's new with me:

Pregnancy: My due date keeps being "adjusted" during my exams with my doctor due to the size of my uterus, size of the baby, etc. Currently, I am said to be right at 16 weeks tomorrow. Thankfully, the baby appears to be healthy and normal. My general attitude and well-being is very good also. No more nausea at all, except for during the time when I brush my teeth. I still get extremely exhausted, but that's because I've been waking up like clockwork every morning at 2am. Even though I'm in the bed by 9pm at the latest, that still only leaves me with less than 6 hours of sleep which isn't good. So by 4pm, I'm SO exhausted. And of course this is the time of day that I leave work to get the kids. It sucks because it feels like the kids only see me when I'm rushing them out of the door in the mornings to get to school on time, or when I'm half-awake picking them up from school and negotiating dinner. I know that it won't always be like this though, so I won't despair.

Home LifeMy husband and I have been enjoying each other very much. He's such a joy, and I simply do not know what I'd do without that man. I love him more and more every time I look at him. He's pointed out to me recently that I've been pretty laidback during this pregnancy. It reminds him of when I was pregnant with my son. By the way, we're having another BOY!! Hubby and I are still negotiating names, but I think we settled on one the other day. I already have a vision that he has Olan's personality and Cassie's physical features. That means he will be a wonderful kid that is simply adorable...just like my first two. :-) Speaking of my first two, I wish I could express how much I love Olan and Cassie. Without them and Chris, living would just feel so pointless. Even through the scary times, I can see how the Lord has really blessed us.

Everything ElseNot a whole lot more to share at the current moment...today is the first day of the Season of Lent, and I dropped in here beginning today to be sure to kickoff blogging more often all the way through Easter. It's nice to have a record of what's going on in my life to look back on later. I did a good job over the first two years I blogged here...but life got pretty hairy for a while there, and I never recovered here.

During the Lenten season I usually think of something to give up between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. And in typical Tami fashion I never stick to it. I mulled a few things over this past weekend that I could stand to give up for 7 weeks: television, secular music, random,.non work-related internet surfing, but honestly, these things are like vices that I (incorrectly) have assumed are getting me through the daily stress of life. I'm almost terrified at the thought of giving up even one of these...even temporarily.

The more I think about it, these vices are mostly just distractions. I already have more trouble than the average adult staying focused on important things. Not to mention the fact that I have an obsessive (addictive) personality. Anything that I decide I REALLY want to do, I just dive in and forget about everything else around me. Yes, even vital, important areas of my life get overlooked and disregarded. Sadly, this sometimes includes my family, and even my relationship with the Lord. I'll post more tomorrow on how I plan to get over my "addictions", if you will. It's pretty intriguing in addition to just sad the extent to which I allow myself to become obsessed with some things. Until tomorrow!!

Big Ole Grump Box

That's what I've been this week. I'm tired of working ALL of the time. I'm tired of neglecting the things that are important; putting them off until I'm done with other stuff, stuff which is not as important long-term. I can see that it's starting to take its toll. A co-worker voiced yesterday that she's been feeling really grumpy lately and needs a REAL vacation. BOY could I relate! This might be wrong, but it felt good to know that someone could relate to how I've been feeling (although she and I are pretty similar in a lot of ways anyway).

I just want to drive around at night with my husband and kids and "oooh and ahhh" at the pretty Christmas lights! I want to make Christmas cookies and chocolate cocoa with the kids. I want to lay around in my PJ's and thermal socks and watch all of the Christmas classics (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown, Wonderful Life, etc...) I want to lay on my mom's couch and hear my grandmother's old Christmas 45s on a turntable while sipping hot apple cider. In short, I just want to be happy this Christmas. Last Christmas was the first one in my entire life that I was unhappy and slightly depressed. My Grandmother's health took a turn for the worse on Christmas Day 2007. We were with her in the hospital and I could tell she was getting worse, even though my heart wouldn't accept it. She passed away suddenly 5 days later and my family was heartbroken. I had hoped this Christmas would be better, but so far I just feel burnt out.

My son's behavior has been leaving lots to be desired at school lately, also. That's really got me down more than anything, I believe. He's always been the perfect kid that everyone loves being around, but all of a sudden his daily progress reports have negative feedback on them everyday. I know that this is just a phase, but I'm not handling it well on the inside. He turns 5 on Sunday, so he's just a little one. But this time in his life is critical to who he will become as a man, and I want to be sure that everything I do as his mom pushes him in the right direction.

Next week is my last week in the office until January (and I'm only going in for 4 days). Maybe I can do some of the things I mentioned above during my two weeks off! That would be nothing short of a miracle, but as long as I'm not sitting around working constantly and feeling stressed, I'm already going in a better direction. :-)

Holiday Break

Work is somewhat dampening my feelings of rest and relaxation this week. Huge release soon, and I was up ALL night finishing up some stuff because I REFUSE to work during this break with my family. So what WILL I be doing during this glorious five-day weekend?



Cooking dinner. I LOVE Thanksgiving dinner. My husband and I anticipate this wonderful meal months in advance! My specialties are baked macaroni & cheese (no one makes it as good as I do), turkey dressing, and potato salad. Chris makes the best turkey smoked greens. We also usually prepare corn, potato souffle, cranberry sauce, and cornbread. I'm about to get started shortly.

Reading. I, like most people who are married with kids, NEVER find time to just sit down and leisurely read. For someone who loves books so much, it's a shame that I don't get this opportunity much. Maybe I'll get back into this great programming book I love or possibly even FINALLY pick back up on Book 6 of Harry Potter.

Putting up the Christmas tree. This will mark the earliest that we will have done this! Every year I dream of decorating the tree on Thanksgiving evening after dinner. Christmas has definitely come earlier this year than most others and I'm excited about that! Best time of year FOR SURE!

Resting, resting, resting. I hope that what I do more than anything else is just lay around and relax. Whenever I get a break from work, I always feel this guilt about resting. I was raised that way though...a day off meant time to get chores done and go visit people you haven't seen in a long time. There's no resting! Well my hubby and I don't share this philosophy on life, so I'm more than happy to lay around in my pj's all day!



Dinner with family. We are going to my parents' house this year, as we do every year. Last year, we actually met at a restaurant not far from the hospital my grandmother was staying in at the time. My mom was with her 24 hours a day 7 days a week, so getting mom to leave for a little while for dinner was a task. But with things turning out the way they did, this year will be really special at my parents' house. We'll be sure not to take anything or anyone for granted anymore.

Try some new hairstyles and makeup. I used to be really good at styling my hair really pretty. After becoming a mom, that just took such a low priority. If I have a little time, I may play around with it this weekend. I also have a TON of makeup that I've bought over time that's accumulating. Might play around with that too; I used to be a glamour girl, and now it's like I don't even care anymore. It happens to many of us though...I just don't want to completely neglect my looks full time...I'm already going down that path now with my lack of exercise and my bad eating habits. I don't want to become a complete hag, if I can help it.

Starting a new blog. I used to post to this blog almost every single day. That was before all of my worlds began to collide. Before my family, church family, co-workers, and friends were all accessible to my thoughts and a recount of my actions via the same medium. It's made it difficult for me to be completely transparent. There are now repercussions for being honest and true to who you are online. So I'm going to do the same thing a good friend of mine has done. I'm creating a "private" blog where I can just be Tami and talk about the things that are a deep part of me and I that I may sometimes want trusted feedback on. I'll continue to post to this blog about the cool, funny and superficial things that are current. But I'm guarding my heart and not exposing every part of me to the public anymore.

That should be enough for 5 days. Next week is going to be ridiculously busy so I better enjoy every moment I can! Have a great Thanksgiving Day and remember to show and/or tell those around you how important they are to you!

New Beginnings

2008 has been some year. I spent the first few months of it trying to recover from the sudden, overwhelming loss of both my grandmother and my 10-year old dog Sheba. Later came the suggestion from my kids' pediatrician that I should have my son evaluated for a couple of potential developmental issues. So I spent the first half of the year extremely distracted. I wasn't able to function at work the way I had envisioned early fall of last year. I was on a roll back in Sept 2007, and figured I'd be at a certain point by Sept 2008 that would seriously catapult my career-path. However, I spent most of my time dealing with the heartbreaking agony of death and focused on ensuring the mental health and development of my children to the best of my ability. I have been emotionally exhausted overall. But the Lord has carried me through all of this, no doubt about that. I wouldn't even be able to type this, let alone function normally these days otherwise.



Tomorrow, I will be working from home, and Tuesday begins my son's first day of Pre-K in a new Christian school in our area. I will be praying for his continued health, safety, growth, development, and protection everyday of his life. His classroom will be on the same hall as 2nd and 3rd graders. He will be taking his lunch to school and eating in the cafeteria. He will be going to the library for quiet reading time! My little 4-year old baby boy!! My daughter just started a new school last Wednesday; I will continue praying the same blessings over her life. Both kids' schools are within minutes of our home, and will thus cut our daily commute time by an entire hour and a half!! I'm getting an hour and a half of my day back to spend with my family instead of sitting on the roads of Atlanta cursing out stupid non-driving morons and asking my kids to stop whining on our LONG drive home everyday! Thank God.

I feel like with these new opportunities comes the opportunity for growth in different areas of my life (family, job, church, friends). I will continue to pray over this and do the best I can to stay focused on the heart of God and live as a true example of His grace and love as much as possible. One thing we know for sure...tomorrow on Earth isn't promised to any of us, and I'm going to start living like it!!

Capturing the moment v/s living the moment

A good friend of mine loves to take photos. From time to time she will even bring her camera to work and snap shots of us (whether we are in the mood for it or not) :-) One of the things about her pictures that I always think is so cute is the sheer number of them that she takes! If she printed them out you could use her pictures as a flip book and view animation for goodness sakes. No, I'm not exaggerating.



She and I were talking recently about fun trips we've taken over the past couple of years. She said something that got me thinking. She mentioned that when she's on a trip, she's never really having as much fun as she does looking back on the trip. I found this surprising considering how happy she always looks in the pics. Then I reminded myself of the fact that, again, she always has TONS of pictures to share. I began wondering if this is related. I started thinking about all of my friends who vacation a lot, and it occurred to me that most of them are actually this way. They have several gigabytes of photos accumulated from a trip that only lasted 3 or 4 days. I started wondering whether or not these people are spending a great deal of their trip trying to get the perfect photo to show to others when they get back home. In the age of social networking, are we more concerned with what our Flickr or Facebook friends will think of our photos than we are about having a great time with our friends and loved ones? Interesting times we are living in...they kind of sneaked up on me to be completely honest.

In fact, I even caught myself scrolling through my memory card photos during the drive home, wondering which ones I could share, and what people would think when they saw them. Then I said to myself "Who cares what OTHERS think of MY family photos?" I like the pictures and that's what matters. This attitude should probably be used more often in my life. I'm 33 years old and so far, reacting to the opinions of others has gotten me NOTHING positive in this life. :-)

Fresh Start?

I'm in the process of getting my mind ready for tomorrow. I'm a little tired and I really need to go to bed. But I want to be sure that I am prepared for my day so that it proves productive. I have 5 months left to make the most out of 2008. I need to eat better, pray more, watch less TV, read more, and be a better steward of the money that my family receives.

Let's see, how will I get this started? I will be sure to incorporate at least an hour of exercise into the majority of my week. I will take better care to put good foods into my body. I'm going to start doing bible devotionals every few days. Finally, I am going to take more initiative in caring for my household. This includes taking more control over understanding every bill that gets paid, every debit that hits our checking account, and exercising more will-power when it comes to my debit card.

Tomorrow is a new beginning!

Dream Family Vacation

I know that for most people the words "dream" and "vacation" don't belong in the same sentence as the word "family", unless the word "NOT" is also in place. SO not the case for me and my family.

My entire family has been vacationing in Destin, Florida since early Sunday afternoon. We are staying in a 4-bedroom, 3-story home in a subdivision on the beach. I do not even know how to describe this home and do it justice. I always brag about the villa we stay in every year in Orlando, but this tops that by miles. This home has everything! My parents bedroom has a terrace overlooking the pier. The bedroom Chris and I are staying in has a HUGE garden tub that has gotten much use! (TMI??) My sister and her hubby have a ginormous room on the bottom level that is connected to the kids' room. All four kids are together and loving it! There is a backyard for the kids to play when we're not out on the town. The third floor is a loft with cushy chairs, a tv, bathroom, refrigerator, and TWO more terraces overlooking the pier, beach, and the town of Destin.

This week, we've all gone to the beach together, an amusement park, gone on a glassbottom boat for a dolphin tour, eaten at Fudpucker's restaurant (legendary around these parts, I think), and SO much more! We have been playing board games, and cards together some evenings. Other times, we just sit around and read, surf the web, or whatever we feel like doing, which is in my eyes, the PERFECT vacation!

This morning, we will be checking out something called Gulfarium, and playing the rest of the day by ear. I could not have planned a better vacation if I was given an entire year to do so. I honestly feel that the Lord knew how much my family needed this amazingly wonderful time together after the extremely morbid end of 2007 we experienced. Thank you SO much Lord for blessing my family with this special time together. This has officially become a Hill-Gill-Lyseight family tradition!!!

I'll post pics on Facebook once we arrive back in Atlanta and have time to settle in a bit.

More Money, More Problems

I felt inspired to bump this post up today. It's from Feb 2007.

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Originally posted on February 20, 2007

The title of this post happens to be inspired by the tenth track on the late Notorious B.I.G.'s album "Life After Death". And, it's actually entitled "Mo Money, Mo Problems", but I have a major problem with the dismissal of proper grammar. I've always been interesting that way. But I digress...

Lately, I have found myself thinking a lot about people that I know who are wealthy. There is a definite pattern among these individuals/couples that I simply cannot get past. There appears to be a lack of a special love and happiness that I figured was standard for a married couple. In fact, I will go as far as to say that an underlying contention is present and I find this unsettling. I think to myself, "Ah, this absence of happiness must be associated with the lifestyle that is accompanied by huge incomes". There is a reason why this thought has been more prevalent in my mind recently.

Chris and I have always been that couple that loves going on long drives and remarking on how different areas that we are familiar with have changed over time. We enjoy driving through communities in East Cobb County and looking at the gargantuan homes with awe. Never once do we actually discuss living in an area such as this; it has just never come up in conversation. However, now that Chris is in law school, we both know in the back of our minds that the possibility that we will end up in one of these areas now exists. If Chris completes law school, and takes his career in a particular direction, who knows what type of lifestyle we will be able to afford! I definitely think about this from time to time.

To be honest, sometimes my mind travels down a road that leads directly to fear. Every now and then, it crosses my mind that Chris and I could become "that couple". You know, the one that used to be happy before they started making so much money. That scares me sometimes, to be completely honest. So I spent some time in prayer over this a while back. Over the course of time I began to realize something that could only have come from the blessing of God's wisdom. The sum total of your family life will not be determined by how much money you have in your bank account. Actually, what affects your life and all those in it will be based upon the importance that money (and the things that money can buy you) has over your life.

For example, there is a couple that is a part of my family and I'm privy to their financial situation. The husband and wife both make what I would consider to be somewhat comfortable incomes. If you look at the way that they live, however, you would guess that they were both pulling in six-figure salaries. Here's the thing: there is a constant battle of wills in their marriage. The wife is "always wanting more" because she is used to spending every dime that they have, and always feels that stretching their income just "one more inch" won't make a huge difference on their livelihood. Since I've known them, they've lost two homes to foreclosure, lost one of their vehicles suspiciously, and always seem to be digging themselves out from under the mound of worry and grief that is debt. Yet every time I see them, they are looking for a way to get a bigger home, or a brand new car, or something along those lines.

Then there's the example of David VanConkrite. He was a hugely successful businessman, with connections in all of the right places. He and his wife Janice owned a sprawling mansion and other homes across the country. They played tennis regularly with A-list celebrities. However, David and Janice wanted so much more out of life. They are extremely wealthy, but decided that they could only be truly happy if they used the large amount of money that they generated to reach out to others that are less fortunate. Thus, they sold their lavish homes, expensive cars, and put most of what they had into a ministry here in Atlanta known as Blood-N-Fire ministries. They live in a comfortable home inside of the perimeter and drive cars similar to what a person with a mid-level income could afford. AND they are probably the happiest couple that you could ever have the pleasure of being around. The love they have for each other and for the ministry just bounces off of them and permeates whatever room they are in.

In a nutshell, it's not the size of your income that has the most control over your happiness. No, what matters is what you happen to deem most important in this one life we get to live here on Earth. For most of us, unfortunately, possessions are at the very top of this list, thus contributing to the attitude that no amount of money is ever good enough. This reminds me of the well-known quote from Rockefeller. Someone asked him how much money would be enough for him. His answer was, "Just a little bit more". If that's the way that people choose to live their lives, there's nothing that I can do about it, nor do I wish to. But I am challenging myself to guard my heart, mind, and family in the coming days. God-willing, my family will not become a negative statistic.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

I don't talk much about this, but my hubby and I have been strongly considering relocating in a few years. There are other places in the US that seem like nice places to live, and we are pretty much OVER living in Atlanta. This past weekend we got the opportunity to be with great friends of ours who live in another town a few hours away from Atlanta. This is our second time visiting with them, and just like last time, we were sad to leave. Twice as sad this time, because we now have two sets of friends that live there. But we were not only sad to leave because they are such wonderful friends, we also just weren't super excited about heading back to Atlanta.

We talked a little about this on the drive back. Later during the drive while lost in my own thoughts, I started making a list of pros and cons of staying in Atlanta vs leaving Atlanta for a much smaller town. Here is what I came up with:

Pros of staying Atlanta:

My family is here (kids are already close to their grandparents and cousins)

Most of my friends are here

I grew up here and know the history of this town (easier to measure trends and patterns, where to live, etc...)

Schools are a little better

The sky's the limit for growth in my career field

Affluent Blacks are everywhere here (good for the kids to see and experience this)

Not as racially polarized

My hairstylist is here...there are none like him anywhere :-)

Lenox Square, Phipps Plaza and Perimeter Mall

Cons of staying in Atlanta:

Traffic, traffic, traffic

Affluent blacks are everywhere here (this can also be bad here; many "black bourgeoisie" attitudes are downright MEAN)

People are too superficial here in general (looks, profession, home, vehicles, etc...)

City of Atlanta government SUCKS!

Crime rate has grown tremendously


As you can see, the pros of staying in Atlanta outweigh the the cons, but only by a little. The cons are mostly centered around traffic and the superficiality of Atlanta. Later on, I'll make up a list of pros and cons of moving to a small town (strange as it may sound, this list won't be exactly the same as the pros and cons of staying in Atlanta).

Faith in the midst of confusion

I'm sure that I've posted before about my faith in God. Always the optimist, I never cease to believe that good will come out of every situation. As a parent, I have come to realize that no experience in your life good or bad can affect you the as much as anything involving your child. I'm pretty sure that when I'm touting positive messages for people to hear and even to affirm these things to my heart, mind, and spirit, it's because I don't really have a lot to lose in any of these situations. There will always be someone to bail me out emotionally (my hubby), or financially (my parents).

Right now, I am in the middle of dealing with something centered around my son. Please don't be alarmed. His health is great, and we are all doing fine. He loves school, he and his little sister get along great, and continue to be a joy to all of those that they are around. But I am now learning what it's like to REALLY have faith in God. My son is going through a series of exams based on a referral from his pediatrician. Again, this isn't related to his physical health at all. This is all I feel comfortable saying about it in such a public forum at this time, even though only about 2 or 3 people read this.

I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. Lately, I've been in a state of constantly holding back tears so that I don't have to deal with real possibilities. My son goes in for an exam tomorrow morning at 9am. We have to drive 45 minutes northwest of here for an exam, another hour back to his school, and then 20 minutes to my job. I'm not so much whining about all of the driving, as much as I am pointing out that I'm not going to be in the best state emotionally tomorrow. It's almost 11:30pm right now, and my son and I have to be leaving the house in 8 hours. :-S

So, now it's time for me to put up or shut up. I honestly don't believe that life is just some place for us to congregate for 75 or 80 years and have fun, fun, fun. I believe that we all have a purpose that is revealed to us in due time. And I do believe that God wants to have a relationship with Him, and for us to trust Him and His word. I don't have any problem trusting Him. So why do I feel so scared? I am not terrified for my son at all; I know that he will be fine. But will I? I am so confused sometimes about how to be a good mother to my children. Time is tick, tick, ticking away, and things are starting to be revealed in my children that I believe are a direct reflection on me as a mother.

I'm really worn out. These visits to the doctor with people asking all of these repetitive questions about my son are starting to take their toll. Our lives are already somewhat hectic...adding this log to the fire my just do me in, I don't know.

:SIGH: Hopefully, my post tomorrow will not find me so emotionally weak and exhausted. Good night.

Beyond Myself

What's with the random, new blog template design? What does "beyond myself" refer to? Both are valid questions.

I'm trying to come up with a nice Spring design that I'm happy with for my blog. So far, I've been completely unsuccessful. I usually only have about 1 hour to myself during the week, and even less than that on the weekends, sadly. Okay, I'm exaggerating about the weekends, but still. The graphic at the top of my blog is one that I found online. It reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of the area my late aunt Gwen lived in when my sister and I were very young, and would visit her. I really get nostalgic when I think about being at her house as a little child. She used to have a pretty dog named Lassie. She had very nice neighbors...the Landers family. There was a girl my age who my sister and I played with a lot. She was so sweet and very pretty. I ran into her back in the summer of 1994, I believe. Wow, it's amazing where my brain will go when I let it wander with restraints.

Beyond Myself refers to my state of mind right now. Today I had my FILL of selfishness and superficiality. It was a little much. When I look back 3 years, I remember that I wasn't as concerned about my physical appearance as I am now. I've always been extremely vain, but never this overly concerned about my physical appearance. I was a much happier, low-key person then. I just enjoyed my life and appreciated the things that mattered: my husband, my family, my friends, my church family, my service to God. I look back at pictures of me right before and after I had my son, and even right after having my daughter. I look so much happier and my smile looks a lot less forced and "posey". I want to go back to those times. Or maybe it's simply my attitude that needs adjusting. Either way I definitely need to get on a path that takes me away from this overly self-involved person I've become over the past three years.

Please forgive the quickly thrown together blog template design. Maybe the next time I get a week off from work, I'll have some play time to put together a really nice web design. I know, not likely, huh?

"Clause" and Effect

I bumped this post up just to reflect for a moment. Life certainly comes at you fast whether you're ready or not. This post was originally written on November 11 at 9:58 am. So many things were different. I was still grieving over the loss of my dog Sheba. I was worried sick about my grandmother in the hospital, and worried just as much over my mother who I could tell was suffering a great deal emotionally.

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Original Date of Post: 11/11/07 - 9:58 AM

Life has certainly been interesting over the past month or so. This morning, I woke up feeling under the weather. My daughter and I are both sneezing all over the place. My hubby went on to church without us, as it seems to have been the case over the past few weeks.

My grandmother is on day 17 in the hospital. At this point, her breathing seems to be under control, but she is completely miserable. They inserted a feeding tube inside of her because she wasn't eating anything. On top of the effects of the emphysema, she is also suffering due to nicotine withdrawal (anxiety, lack of appetite, etc...) She spends a lot of time moaning, which is difficult for everyone around her who loves her to see. Still no word at all on how much longer she'll be hospitalized, or what needs to happen so that she will be ready to return home. My mom has been living in the ICC waiting room at Emory Hospital this whole time. She only goes home once per week to wash clothes and grab a few more things to bring back to the hospital. I think that this is due to the fact that my grandmother gets extremely anxious any second that my mom is not in the room with her. Such a difficult situation.

In some ways I'm still dealing with the fact that Sheba is gone. It sneaks up on me from time to time. I always saved the bones from chicken wings for her, since she loved crunching them. So now, if I'm eating wings, for example, it's like remembering all over again that she's not coming back when I realize don't need to save the bones. You know what I mean? I long to feel her fur on the side of my face while she snuggles with me. I really, really miss her. Still not sure about a new puppy yet...hard to think about in too much detail thus far.

My hubby and I were talking the other day about how short this life is. I really treasure spending time with him. It got me thinking about the people, places and things that I love so much. Getting some free time with my husband; spending a weekend afternoon with my sister; going to Disney World with the family; sitting out in the CNN atrium eating lunch and gabbing with my co-workers; going to the movies/having lunch with my friend Chrissy; going to Golden Corral with the hubby and kids on Saturday afternoon; going to Camp Greenville with the students at Mount Paran; having long phone conversations with my mom;