Preparing for a new week

I've got a little on my mind right now. Not a whole lot, like normal, but just a couple of things. I got a pregnancy massage on Friday, and I feel almost completely STRESS-FREE!

For one, I'm seriously trying to determine how I can stay on a steady course in my life. There's got to be a way that someone with my compulsive, extreme live-in-the-moment, obsessive, procrastinating personality can live a content life on the right track. My number one fault is that I LOVE to talk more than just about anything else in this world. This becomes a problem because it effects the things that are extremely important (such as work!) So if someone comes into my workspace to talk to me, for example, I will talk for as long as they want to talk because I LOVE to talk so much. The only two times I fare well in these types of situations are 1) if the person coming over to talk isn't very talkative and knows how to end a conversation abruptly enough, or 2) if the person talks more than I do, and I get bored with them because I don't get a chance to talk. Outside of these two situations, it's a no-win for me as far as productivity goes. It's gotten worse recently since I've become pregnant and more hormonal. There have been days recently where I left work asking myself "What the heck did I accomplish today?" I will be praying about this in a matter of minutes.

The other thing weighing heavily on me has to do with my kids. They are both extremely healthy emotionally and physically, and I'm so grateful to God for this. Here's what's burdening my heart right now. Most of you who follow my blog regularly know that my son was diagnosed a while back with a developmental issue regarding his ability to verbally express himself. By the time he turned 3, it was pretty obvious that he was pretty far behind most children his age in this area. Since verbal communication is the strongest indicator of one's intelligence to most people, it put my son at a disadvantage in school. The school he was attending last year had two pretty weak teachers in terms of dealing with a child with my son's particular developmental issue. Looking back on it, if I had my son evaluated much earlier, I could have avoided all of the guess-work and confusion that his teachers were dealing with because I would have known the exact issue and could have communicated this to them. Heck, I didn't even know what the issue was before the official evaluation with the speech pathologist, but I always knew that my son was much more intelligent than other kids his age. He just couldn't speak as clearly and communicate as effectively as they could.

Fast forward two years...he's 5-years old now, and attends a different Christian school close to home. I had a parent-teacher conference before the Christmas holidays in which his teacher expressed concern over some of his behavior in class. This really threw me for a loop because I've seen SO much progress in my son, that I sometimes forget that by "normal" 5 year-old standards some of his behavior is still difficult to understand. I explained to his teacher about the diagnosis of "expressive language disorder" and she was so relieved to hear this, because she already knew that my son had above-average intelligence compared to the other kids and that he's such a lovable, sweet boy. So some of his behavior confused her even more because of this. Ever since I explained to her, she has been more than pleased with his progress and the way that he is interacting in class because she now knows how to interact with him and how to allow him to express himself, but still within the class/school guidelines. He's doing wonderful these days, and his teacher even wants to put my son on program for the annual awards program in May. I'm so pleased that this is the direction we're going in now.

Here's my problem. When I'm out with my son and daughter, people are SO drawn to my daughter. I understand that she is a very pretty child...both of my children are gorgeous. But she is a little girl, and beauty in a female just stands out more. That's just the way it is. Plus she's only 3, and three year-olds are still considered really cute for the most part no matter how they look. BUT it breaks my heart to see this scenario play out the same way almost every time. Why? Well, my son has really come out of his shell over the past 6 months. He walks up to total strangers now and says "Good Morning, how are you?" "What's your name?" etc...He is very interested in engaging people now, because he knows that people are finally understanding what he says more often. He gets the biggest smile on his face when someone properly acknowledges something he says, and I understand why that is. It must feel like a triumph even for his 5 year-old mind. So, as his mother and number one fan on this earth, it hurts my heart almost literally to watch his face after he attempts to speak to someone, and people's response is to oooh and ahhh over my daughter while he just stands there. I'll guess that most parents feel great when someone compliments their child, but my daughter's beauty is so obvious. It's something she'll most likely have her entire life...just like her mommy. (Haha!) But I don't want one of my children to be complimented at the others expense. It even leaves me in tears just typing this out right now. Don't know how much more of it I can take.

My hubby has explained to me that, yes, our daughter is gorgeous and that people always make a huge deal out of gorgeous little girls. He keeps trying to assure me that this is just the pattern for the rest of their lives. My son will probably always be the smart kid that keeps everyone in his circle laughing. Everyone that takes the time to get to know him will know that he is full of substance and great characteristics and love him forever. And I'm sure that he will be so proud of his gorgeous little sister, who will probably also always be smart, but not in the same way as him. I hope that they will always stay best friends and always appreciate and love the others characteristics. And I also hope that I as their mommy will eventually not have such an achy heart when I witness what I interpret as one of my children being ignored or rebuffed. Such is life, and I'm going to have to be tougher, not just for myself, but as an example for my children. They will have to endure more than anything that the people of my generation could ever imagine. The last thing they need is a weak, weepy, wimp of a mother who cries every time someone isn't overly nice to one of them. I know that this advice came from the Lord, because my heart wasn't in the condition to think this way on my own. So thankful and blessed to have such a loving, wise Savior always watching over me and my family.

God bless you and yours as we take on a new week!