At A Glance...

Last Week At A Glance:

Last week was eye-opening in a few ways. It definitely had more meetings than I'm used to. Two of them in particular I personally consider awe-inspiring.

During one of them I was, again, exposed to the positive repercussions of simply being nice to people and making myself an available source of information to them. I did some "schmoozing" after the meeting was over, and have some more follow-up meetings this week. It never ceases to amaze me how far natural charm combined with a decent amount of hard work will go. I emphasize "natural" charm, because that's quite a different animal from that "fake, smile in your face, then go talk about you to anyone who will listen" crap that many people seem to engage in. No, one of my few strengths includes an ability to look into people's souls when I'm with them and communicate to them that I actually care about what they're discussing with me at the time. But if you cross me, you are screwed. That's not tough talk at all, just a sad reality. The good news is that everyone gets two chances with me, though, so it's not as bad as it sounds. :-) But I SERIOUSLY digress....

During the other meeting I'm referring to, I was exposed to some SERIOUS irony, karma, whatever you want to call it. We see it everyday, but a colleague and I now use this situation as our inside joke. Life is really something. Now that I am approaching 35 years of age (considered by many to be the halfway point of average life-expectancy), I am really coming into my own. I'm done trying to figure out who I want to be. I simply am who I am, and I'm learning to be content with who I've become.

I am a working mother. Those of you moms who stay home all day, great. But why do so many stay-at-home moms judge working moms? If you're content in your personal situation, stop concerning yourself with what other people are doing.

I am a Christian. I am proud to be a Christian. I don't wear my Christianity like a fashionable piece of jewelry that I take on or off depending on the situation. It IS the biggest part of who I am and I'm proud to exalt my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!! If you have a problem with who I am or any of the tenets of Christianity, I don't mind fielding/answering questions about why I believe in and trust God and His Word. But I will absolutely not engage in debates and arguments about who I am and why I believe what I believe. I don't go questioning people of other lifestyles who make certain decisions, and I expect the same respect in return. If I do not get it in return, I'm not shocked, but I will not be baited into heated discussions about something that is so precious and sweet to me.

I am a Conservative. This is something I've only come to realize about myself over the past 7 or 8 years. I'm what is commonly referred to as a "9/11 Conservative". This is not to be mistaken with a Republican, by the way. I don't align myself with any of the major political parties in this country. This choice to not politically align myself has much to do with the fact that my Christian walk is SO important to me and something I have to work at daily. I can't let an undying association with fallible humans and their political swayings mar my testimony of faith. And that's exactly what I believe happens to those Christians who do engage heavily in politics. Simply my opinion.

I'm very obsessive. This is either my greatest weakness or strength. It depends on the object of my obsession. When it's my relationship with God, hubby, kids, or something related to my career or personal growth/development, it's a major strength. When it's a hot actor or sports player, it's bad (I keep writing about this, but I really need to share my Tiger Woods story one day!!). We're not talking minor crushes, people. I always take stuff to the EXTREME on either side. I used to obsess over my husband while we were dating. It was borderline predatory; really surprised he didn't call the police at some point. Sadly, it changes with the wind, and you never know where I am at the moment, or where I'm headed with this. But this is who I am, and at this point in my life I finally understand that trying to be something else is so futile. All I can do is channel this obsessive nature into positive things that will leave a positive stamp on my family's livelihood and well-being.

In closing, I just want to say something to all of the 30+ year-olds who may be reading this. Most of you may have already figured this out, but for those that haven't, you ARE who you ARE now. Those of you actively trying to be someone else or change major characteristics you have, it just doesn't work. I promise I'm not being mean intentionally, but you really are not fooling anyone but yourselves. Not to mention that you really look silly to everyone who notices, if you care about stuff like that. It's impossible to truly like or truly know someone who tries to hard to go against the grain of who they are. If you're a total a$$hole who turns people off with your personality, I'm really sorry to hear that. But in my opinion the best thing you can do at this point is just own up to it, and try to choose a profession that gives you the most limited contact with people as possible. When you try to appear nice, you appear very strange. Especially because the real you is going to show up again at some point anyway, and will cause people to wonder who the heck "that other person" was. I'm speaking from personal experience. I have really enjoyed writing this post. It feels good to share things like this that have been on my mind for a really long time. :-)

Next Week At A Glance

I'm leaving work early on Tuesday to go to a doctor's visit.

I'll also have a MUCH needed visit to my hair stylist to get some cute layers cut and my hair pressed out. It's been way too long, and I'm just looking a hot mess right about now.

Let's see, what else...oh yeah, the hubby, kids and I are going on a trip to Alabama to visit the hubby's family. We haven't been down there in years, and it's really sad because we were so close to this part of the family before we had kids. At this point we have completely lost touch with everyone. Looking forward to reconnecting with as many people as possible. My hubby has 8 aunts and uncles on each side (yes, 16 total) and about a gazillion 1st cousins, so there are usually cookouts/fish-frys and the like to look forward to whenever we go down there. My hubby is the oldest granchild on his Dad's side so they always make an especially huge deal when we go down there. Something really special about the first Gran, I always hear. :-)

Ta Ta For Now, readers!!

A "weighty" obsession

Bumping this up...thought it was cute. :-)

Originally posted on 1/10/07 at 2:56pm
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I tend to shake my head and sigh whenever I read about Mary Kate Olsen or Lindsay Lohan and their ever-present issues with weight. This is not because I feel that their inability to consume anything over 0.45 calories is despicable. No, no, my friends, I actually empathize with these dear children to some degree. I know what it's like to strive to reach a particular standard of self-perceived perfection; I'm sure that most of us have been there.

When I was 11 years old, a ballet classmate of mine informed me that my thighs were getting fat. I had to do a double take. I was already about 5'6 by the time I was 11, and no scale I had ever been on at that point or before then had ever tipped past 100 lbs. I asked her to please repeat her statement, although I couldn't bear the thought of hearing it again. "I said YOUR THIGHS ARE REALLY FAT!!", she exclaimed. She even went as far as to support her claim by pointing out that my thighs looked especially mammoth while I was sitting on the floor doing our stretches. Is it sad that I still remember her name?

Felicia Davis. She was maybe a year older than me, about an inch or so taller, and extremely top-heavy. She was, like, TWO of me, with a little room to spare. Why didn't I point this out to her so she would get out of my face, and so that I could continue wowing the class with my mastery of the arabesqué? Because that's not the way I was raised. My parents taught me to ignore verbally pessimistic, critical people, as their sole purpose was to find solace in their own feelings of inadequacy. So I smiled at her sweetly, held my head especially high in the air, and walked to the other side of the room to work on my pirouettes.

Sadly, that was the first time I began dieting...at age 11 for goodness sakes! No more potato chips, burgers, chocolate, or ice cream for 11 year-old Tami. I even spent the next few months running in place in my bedroom in front of my full-length mirror. I did this for about 20 minutes per night to assist in rapid weight loss. By the end of the year, once I'd turned 12, I was pretty scrawny. But I remember looking in the mirror and thinking to myself, "What in the world am I ever going to do about these thighs??" The answer would come a few weeks before Christmas that year.

We were in our last ballet class before the holidays, and as I was stretching on the bar one of my classmates approached me to chat. Her name? Kristina Pruitt (daughter of John Pruitt, WSB-TV anchor). While I was talking she began staring at me with fascination. I was certain that she was noticing how fat my thighs were, so I just took a deep breath and said, "What is the matter?" She pointed toward my neck, so I faced the mirror right behind us. I didn't see anything, so I asked, "What's the problem?" She said, "Look at how your collarbone sticks out!". I looked again to confirm this, because I had never noticed this before. I tilted my head (you have to tilt your head to the side to see things more clearly) and said, "Guess you're right." Kristina then explained to me that "...only extremely skinny people have collar-bones that stick out."

I began stopping by Dairy Queen on the way home from ballet class each day, and ordering a banana split with extra whipped cream and chocolate on top. I also ordered an extra side of healthy self-image and a double order of happiness with who I was inside and out. :-)

From Bad To Worse

Let's face it...today was just one of those days. Not sure how exactly it turned into one of those days...it definitely started off harmless enough. I had the wisdom, or foresight, or something, to switch my Thursday afternoon appt w/ my gynecologist to this morning at the very last minute. Thank God I did so, because tomorrow is going to be insane! The appt went smoothly enough, but once I got back to work, I think a few little things just gradually sent me down the path to a really bad mood. Little things, that in isolation aren't a big deal, but all combined in the same day make for kind of a tough day.

It may seem a little strange, but days like today sometimes cause me to reflect upon a company I worked at in the past. I can still remember to this day how I felt when I went on the interview...it was the most "exciting-looking" place I had seen before! There were foozball tables, pool tables, television sets, and even a cool looking small library that we all had access to. The ceilings, walls and floors had the most eclectic, cool looking modern tech designs and colors!! We had free soft drinks (which was a big deal for me at the time!) and the workspace just looked extremely "new millenium" even though the turn of the century hadn't occured yet. Over the first few years there, things began to unravel a bit. We gained a new parent company and almost immediately lost access to the floor of the building which contained all of the fun, extra-curricular items that had been bragged about as selling points for working at the company during my interview. We moved to a plain-Jane, vanilla, workspace eventually that had no character in itself at all. Many of the really nice people that kept things fun and exciting in the beginning were let go (or sensibly quit) over time. I watched the huge dip in morale gradually occur, and wondered what I had walked into. By the time the dotcom bubble burst, we were all stuck at the company anyway (NO ONE was hiring and the economy was struggling at the time). So it became an "employers market", which meant that if you're an employer, you have "carte blanche" to some degree over your employees, because they're not going anywhere since no one's hiring. This is the time period where silly rules start being created and enforced. This is also the time period where morale is so low, that over time you're left with a bunch of miserable, cynical people who are all complaining about their jobs. Bad days on the job spill over into bad days at home, and the cycle just repeats itself over and over day after day, week after week, month after month.

So it is on days like today that I reflect on something told to me by a colleague from the company I just spoke of. She was much older than me, and had TONS more life experience. Whenever we would get some type of bad or unfortunate news about a "change" of some sort, she would always remind me to just be patient because In six months, there is guaranteed to be, yet, another change that would make this one not seem as upsetting anymore. Sometimes that would mean that things would get even worse, but it usually ended up meaning that our worries/attention would become focused in another area, so the initial point of worry or bitterness isn't even relevant anymore. After 12 years in corporate America, I can definitely say that my former colleague has been right....every time. I'll do my best to keep my chin up...if I can get through the rest of this week unscathed, it will be nothing short of God's grace that got me through it!!

How unique visitors find my blog

Once every few weeks or so, if I remember, I like to look at my blog visitor stats to determine what drives most of my readers to my blog. Most of my regular visitors access my blog via their ISP homepages or Google Reader or the like. So I'm more interested in the unique visitor stats. Some interesting blog searches bring people to my blog. Here are the top 10 searches (from least to most hits) that have turned up my blog in the search engine results from the last 100 hits:

10) Fantasia's Braces

9) Fatal Atttaction + ignore

8) Throw Back Jams

7) Destin Florida

6) Sanaa Lathan White Men

5) Oprah's Favorite Baked Macaroni

4) Simon Baker black women

3) Chrisondra Kimble (12 year-old family member who, along with her 1st cousin, was murdered Spring 2007)

2) Bon Qui Qui Nail Salon

1) Jenn Hobby Divorce

Preparing for a new week

I've got a little on my mind right now. Not a whole lot, like normal, but just a couple of things. I got a pregnancy massage on Friday, and I feel almost completely STRESS-FREE!

For one, I'm seriously trying to determine how I can stay on a steady course in my life. There's got to be a way that someone with my compulsive, extreme live-in-the-moment, obsessive, procrastinating personality can live a content life on the right track. My number one fault is that I LOVE to talk more than just about anything else in this world. This becomes a problem because it effects the things that are extremely important (such as work!) So if someone comes into my workspace to talk to me, for example, I will talk for as long as they want to talk because I LOVE to talk so much. The only two times I fare well in these types of situations are 1) if the person coming over to talk isn't very talkative and knows how to end a conversation abruptly enough, or 2) if the person talks more than I do, and I get bored with them because I don't get a chance to talk. Outside of these two situations, it's a no-win for me as far as productivity goes. It's gotten worse recently since I've become pregnant and more hormonal. There have been days recently where I left work asking myself "What the heck did I accomplish today?" I will be praying about this in a matter of minutes.

The other thing weighing heavily on me has to do with my kids. They are both extremely healthy emotionally and physically, and I'm so grateful to God for this. Here's what's burdening my heart right now. Most of you who follow my blog regularly know that my son was diagnosed a while back with a developmental issue regarding his ability to verbally express himself. By the time he turned 3, it was pretty obvious that he was pretty far behind most children his age in this area. Since verbal communication is the strongest indicator of one's intelligence to most people, it put my son at a disadvantage in school. The school he was attending last year had two pretty weak teachers in terms of dealing with a child with my son's particular developmental issue. Looking back on it, if I had my son evaluated much earlier, I could have avoided all of the guess-work and confusion that his teachers were dealing with because I would have known the exact issue and could have communicated this to them. Heck, I didn't even know what the issue was before the official evaluation with the speech pathologist, but I always knew that my son was much more intelligent than other kids his age. He just couldn't speak as clearly and communicate as effectively as they could.

Fast forward two years...he's 5-years old now, and attends a different Christian school close to home. I had a parent-teacher conference before the Christmas holidays in which his teacher expressed concern over some of his behavior in class. This really threw me for a loop because I've seen SO much progress in my son, that I sometimes forget that by "normal" 5 year-old standards some of his behavior is still difficult to understand. I explained to his teacher about the diagnosis of "expressive language disorder" and she was so relieved to hear this, because she already knew that my son had above-average intelligence compared to the other kids and that he's such a lovable, sweet boy. So some of his behavior confused her even more because of this. Ever since I explained to her, she has been more than pleased with his progress and the way that he is interacting in class because she now knows how to interact with him and how to allow him to express himself, but still within the class/school guidelines. He's doing wonderful these days, and his teacher even wants to put my son on program for the annual awards program in May. I'm so pleased that this is the direction we're going in now.

Here's my problem. When I'm out with my son and daughter, people are SO drawn to my daughter. I understand that she is a very pretty child...both of my children are gorgeous. But she is a little girl, and beauty in a female just stands out more. That's just the way it is. Plus she's only 3, and three year-olds are still considered really cute for the most part no matter how they look. BUT it breaks my heart to see this scenario play out the same way almost every time. Why? Well, my son has really come out of his shell over the past 6 months. He walks up to total strangers now and says "Good Morning, how are you?" "What's your name?" etc...He is very interested in engaging people now, because he knows that people are finally understanding what he says more often. He gets the biggest smile on his face when someone properly acknowledges something he says, and I understand why that is. It must feel like a triumph even for his 5 year-old mind. So, as his mother and number one fan on this earth, it hurts my heart almost literally to watch his face after he attempts to speak to someone, and people's response is to oooh and ahhh over my daughter while he just stands there. I'll guess that most parents feel great when someone compliments their child, but my daughter's beauty is so obvious. It's something she'll most likely have her entire life...just like her mommy. (Haha!) But I don't want one of my children to be complimented at the others expense. It even leaves me in tears just typing this out right now. Don't know how much more of it I can take.

My hubby has explained to me that, yes, our daughter is gorgeous and that people always make a huge deal out of gorgeous little girls. He keeps trying to assure me that this is just the pattern for the rest of their lives. My son will probably always be the smart kid that keeps everyone in his circle laughing. Everyone that takes the time to get to know him will know that he is full of substance and great characteristics and love him forever. And I'm sure that he will be so proud of his gorgeous little sister, who will probably also always be smart, but not in the same way as him. I hope that they will always stay best friends and always appreciate and love the others characteristics. And I also hope that I as their mommy will eventually not have such an achy heart when I witness what I interpret as one of my children being ignored or rebuffed. Such is life, and I'm going to have to be tougher, not just for myself, but as an example for my children. They will have to endure more than anything that the people of my generation could ever imagine. The last thing they need is a weak, weepy, wimp of a mother who cries every time someone isn't overly nice to one of them. I know that this advice came from the Lord, because my heart wasn't in the condition to think this way on my own. So thankful and blessed to have such a loving, wise Savior always watching over me and my family.

God bless you and yours as we take on a new week!